friday letters

Dear woman on the B train wearing teva sandals with socks, I don't forgive you for elbowing me in the face yesterday in your need to get off the train FIRST. I was sitting there, minding my own business, putting my book in my bag, and half starting to stand, when you stand up from the seat next to me and all of a sudden I'm shocked back into my seat by your bony, wrinkly skinned elbow into my cheekbone and the audible knock of my teeth against one another. G'damn. You didn't apologize. In fact, you looked at me like I inconvenienced you by slowing you down. The very sweet young gay beside me asked if I was okay. I just rolled my (tearing) eyes, and he said that you must've been super mad that you had on sandals with socks while I looked so fabulous. He said it loud enough for you to hear. I hope you did.

Dear Sweet Young Gay, Thank you.

Dear Mom and Dad, Absolutely CANNOT wait to see you this weekend!!! Looong overdue.

Dear Nest, I'm gonna clean you. I'm gonna clean you so hard.

Dear Cessie, What's this new thing with you sleeping on the kitchen table? You leave your hair all over it! This is frustrating. I understand that we're roommates and I have no control over you whatsoever, but can we please discuss the common courtesy that you don't nap where I eat? No? Well, at least we talked about it.

Dear Time, Where do you go? I feel like I never have enough of you.

Dear Weekend, I hope you kick ass. No doubt you will.

My parents are on their way right now, so I'm hoping the weekend will be full of adventuring!
I hope you have some adventures too.

you *do* look fabulous

you're welcome.

The last couple of days have been an absolute whirlwind! I literally don't know which way is up. BUT, I wanted to welcome any new readers from From the Guestroom! I'm giving away $20 in Scentsy Credit to my shop, so all should enter the giveaway! Kay? Kay.

Also, we're going to have a super special guest poster tomorrow. I'm REALLY excited about sharing this with you!!!

Oh, and I met this guy today. He was extremely interesting and the way he spoke just bowled me over. But I think the thing that caught me off guard the most was his warmth and real kindness. I have to say, I was super impressed.

Also, I'm super bummed that I missed my buddy, Michelle from You're my favorite today. She's in NYC with her family on vacation, and she stopped by the Life Suck while I was busy meeting Colin Powell. Life is not fair. I only wanted to meet my bloggy buddy! There's always next trip, I suppose.

Guys, I'm way tired. I hope that I'll be a little more lively next week to share more interesting and fun stuff with you. Or at least amuse you with my wit. But my wit has been passed out in bed for days. 

Maybe she's got the right idea. 

Until tomorrow...

*kisses*

friday confessional.

stolen from facebook... with no idea as to who the original creator is...
sorry about that, blogger-verse.

I have a problem.
That's a lie, I have many problems. Waking up and being nice about it is only one of them. Luckily, I am usually alone when waking up in the morning. B leaves for work at ungodly-hour-o'clock, so he doesn't usually have to be subjected to me grumpy groaning, whining, and overall loathing of my morning ritual.

Here's how it usually goes:
6:45am - Sookie steps on my alarm clock, causing chaos. Loud music, barking dogs, me wishing I was dead.
6:45:30am - I grab said cat and stuff her under the covers, groping for the right buttons to turn off music, but not actual alarm.
6:47am - give up and unplug alarm clock. It's still making noise.
6:47:30am - take batteries out. It shuts up.
6:48am - set alarm on iphone for 7:15am
6:48:30am - pass out.

7:15am - alarm goes off. Hit snooze without opening eyes.
7:20am - Cessie tries to smother me with her enormous, furry body, digging her nails into my flesh. Ignore this as long as possible.
7:24am - alarm goes off. Hit snooze without opening eyes.
7:25am - Cessie sits directly on my face. Turn head. Pass out.
7:30am - Cessie boops my nose gently with front paw, as if to say, "wake up, you lazy sack of litter. there's work to be done." Ignore her.
7:33am - alarm goes off. Hit snooze without opening eyes.
7:35am - shift weight or sigh.
7:35:15am - Conrad reads slight shift or sigh as sign that I'm up. He begins stretching, yawning, and army crawling all over me.
7:36am - Lexi wakes up and starts snuggling and kissing my face. Brief period of quiet snuggling.
7:40am - Wrestlemania 2012 begins. The heavyweight, Lexi gets her neck bitten by the lightweight conference champ, Conrad. Attempt to hide under blankets and pillows while they wrestle.
7:42am - alarm goes off. turn it off. continue watching wrestlemania.
7:47am - Wrestlemania ends when both champs run into Sookie and she hisses and punches them in the face.

8:00am - get out of bed when dogs desire for food outweighs desire to provoke cat into punching them in the face over and over.
8:02am - feed dogs, feed cats, head to bathroom to make sense of hair and face.
8:03am - stare at self in mirror
8:13am - realize there's nothing that can be done, and put hair in pony bun.
8:15am - take dogs outside for their second morning walk (they've already been out at ungodly-hour-o'clock with B.)
8:45am - come back in, think about feeding self.
8:46am - stare into fridge
8:50am - realize I only have 10 minutes to get ready for work.
8:51am - panic.
9:01am - walk out the door in clothes that may match.
9:02am - get to the bottom of the stairs and realize I forgot something vital (phone, wallet, keys or any combination of the three)
9:05am - finally walk out the front door and practically run to the train to get into the city on time.
9:20am - wait on the platform, feeling like everyone is looking at me because my clothes don't match, my hair is insane, and my face looks like a car crash.
9:25am - train comes. think about fighting an old lady for a seat. stand instead.
9:30am - see a seat open up, and throw self into it before anyone else can claim it.
9:31am - revel in having won the seat by avoiding eye contact with anyone that's still standing.
9:35am - read book and ignore panhandlers.
9:56am - get off at appropriate midtown manhattan subway stop. Think about running toward The Lifesuck, but would rather be late than winded.
10:02am - arrive at The Lifesuck. Do not apologize for my lateness unless someone who can fire me is there. Begin workday.

Wash, rinse, repeat Monday-Friday and every other Saturday.

What was the point I was trying to make here? Ah, yes, that I have a problem with mornings. I absolutely envy those of you that are up and chipper and happy to be alive in the mornings. That's just not me. Sometimes, I get to work and I don't really remember how I got there. Or I look at what I'm wearing and think, "I should start laying out clothes the night before. I look insane."

On days that I've showered, done my hair, or actually struck gold with an outfit that matches, I get complimented like I'd gotten a makeover or something, which leads me to believe that on normal days, I actually do look as tragic as I feel on a daily basis.

What gets you morning people motivated to rise and shine like you do? Is there a regime that I can try to make myself more pleasant functional in the mornings? Or am I doomed to mismatched clothes and insane hair until I find a job that lets me get up after 9 am? Your sage advice would be appreciated.

maaaoooow.

I know you've all been freaking out missing it.

Or not.

Look, it makes me happy... don't burst my bubble.

On with the Monday Meows!

This weeks lols from cat vs human ... the owlet's fave.

Truly, I think the human flavor must add so much.

The key to triumph over satan?
kitties.

I play this game all the time.
I wish I could learn.
I don't.

This is most excellent!
Although I picture both of my cats trying to kill us in our sleep...
not just one.

Also, I wish to own this. My birthday is on November 24th. I probably can't wait until then. I will accept gifts for any major bank holiday. Additionally, most religious holidays. Also for no reason. Whatever works.

the true story of my [pathetic] life

This is, in fact, the true story of my life.

eldercats.

Yesterday I met a handsome 21 year old eldercat named Kincaide.  He was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. His eyes were cloudy, his fur segmented, his back end starting to hollow out, his shoulders hunched - but he was so special and I doubt his face will leave my mind for a long time. He came running (very slowly, on teetering legs) to me and pushed his face into my hands. I scratched and rubbed his face, and got the best reward - the loudest, longest purr I've ever heard from a cat. So thankful, so loving, and so warm.

I wish I had taken a picture.

But, he looks a lot like facebook "figure" Juliet - of The Grannies - a 21 year old cat saved from Animal Care and Control here in Manhattan, with her sister Kate...

Grannies Juliet and Kate, before Kate's passing last year.

Juliet looks just like Kincaide here. Though his eyes are cloudier.
Simply beautiful.

Sadly, sparkly-eyed Katie left us in 2011, but Juliet lives on in a VERY loving home, spreading the message that senior animals really do make the best friends.

Kincaide's mom, C, told me that he'd just gotten out of the hospital for his diabetes. She gives him insulin injections twice everyday, and gives him sub-q fluid daily as well. His quality of life is really fantastic, and she doesn't regret a moment or a dollar, because he's been with her through everything. Divorce, remarriage, divorce, raising her daughter, move after move after move. He's truly the longest relationship she's ever had, after finding him in a parking lot of a diner when her daughter was 5, and he's rewarded her with 21 years of unconditional love and affection. What more can you ask for? To me, nothing.

I can only hope that my beautiful cats, Sookie and The Cheshire Cat, choose to stick with me as long as Kincaide and Juliet.

The Cheshire Cat, having just appeared in a cloud of smoke.

Sookie, trying to abuse the camera.

They're still young - Sook is 2ish and Cess is 5-6 - but I can't help but think about what they'll be like when they're little old ladies, staring at teenaged kids and yelling for their food... which they do already. There's nothing I wouldn't do for them - vet visits, injections, daily fluids, pills, and daily scratches as a thank you. Because I love them.

What do you think your cat(s) will be like in 10 or 15 years? What about your dog(s)?

Mine will remain awesome. ;)

meeeee-owlday

Like a Boss.

Today, meowday becomes meee-owlday, with a mix of kitteh-lols and owlols! Big day.

Awwwwwwww.

In related news, Happy Birthday this week to my Dad and brother. One of them is 60, and neither do comb overs.

Hope Sue was tender...

All that I do is watch food network, so this seemed appropriate.

not the kind of dragon I imagined.

And Happy Chinese New Year! 

The Year of the Dragon follows the year of the Rabbit (presumably because it's trying to eat the rabbit?), and is a symbol of great fortune and power... so I guess 2012 is going to be good? I'm hoping so, because the year of the rabbit (Keen, Wise, Fragile, Tranquil, Serene, Considerate, Fashionable, Sneaky, Obsessive) was a dumb bitch.

This possibly doesn't matter, because I was born in the year of the Dog. Here's what they say about me:

The Dog is a giving, compassionate personality. He offers kind words, support and advice to friends and family. He is a listener, always available to lend an ear or a shoulder to a friend in need. Often Dogs know more about their friends than their friends know about them or even themselves! Dogs are incredibly attentive. Sometimes though, Dogs should pay more attention to their own needs. In private, many Dog people worry a lot.

Really? Shocking.

I'm going to go worry about something privately now.

Today's lol's are from icanhascheezburger.com

mlk meowwwwww

Happy MLK Day from the owlery.

Of course, this means that I'm off work today, so it's not technically a meowday! However, in the spirit of being consistent and writing on some type of schedule, a meowday you shall have.

Martin Luther King Jr was actually born on January 15... so Happy Belated to the man.

Comics, anyone?
This week, cat vs human brings the kitty funnies...

This always happens. It's super weird, but it also makes
me feel like my cats like me enough to groom me...
Which makes me feel special.
Don't judge.

My cats *also* act like this when they
have either seen or killed a mouse...

Which reminds me of a great story...

About 2 weeks ago, Ben, just having had a haircut, got hit in the face by falling bird poo from above. This is something that happens to Ben more than the average joe. In fact, I can recall at least three times that he's been pooped on - once, at the beach, with such velocity that I think he was actually bruised afterward. I laughed at his expense, of course, which I knew would come back and bite me later... but I had no idea how much...

So, the rest of the day was pretty normal. The cats were wilder than usual, like they'd found catnip (which I don't keep in the house) and eaten a 10 day supply, but they were funny and weird, which amused us. We settled in to bed, and Conrad was acting a little weird. He crawled up by our heads and, silently vomited the foulest smelling crud all over our pillows. Lovely. I thought that that was my karmic retribution for laughing at Ben earlier in the day, but after stripping the bed and putting sheets and pillows in the wash, I went to look for febreeze and natures miracle in the spare bedroom.

And I stepped on a dead mouse. Barefoot.

I screamed bloody murder.

Ben thought that Sookie (one of my cats) was beheaded and hanging by her tail from the skylight with her blood painting the walls by the way I screamed.

And then I knew, that was my karmic retribution for laughing at Ben being pooped on. But I made him pick up the mouse and take it to the trash.

Sorry Ben.

But that explains why Sookie and the Cheshire Cat were so wound up.

waylaid meowday

I apologize for my recent departure, fellow perchers... it's been an intense couple of weeks in the owlry, and I'm still trying to catch up. Many big things on the horizon for the owlet and her family.

But, I know what you're all thinking...
bring on the cats.

Today's meowday is courtesy of Off the Mark Cartoons by Mark Parisi

Love This.
Cool Your Jets.

tehehehe

...because they know.

Noooooooo , you wouldn't DARE!

With hopes that I'll have time to write for you again this week, I bid you farewell <3

Meowday babes.

I cannot believe a whole week has passed since last Meowday. It's been busy, between the ever-present rescue efforts, work, and that pesky thing called a personal life, I feel like I haven't had time to think, let alone write. I know what you're thinking though...

Less Talk. Moar Cats.
Ask and ye shall receive...

And yet... I can't stop attempting a belly scratch.
What's wrong with me?

Always funny, always true from cat versus human.

This week, I thought I would piggyback on the new trend of cats doing "invisible" things. Often, these don't make sense, but every now and again, there are a few gems. Behold...

kitten: "GUN, MR PRESIDENT! GET DOWN!"
elder feline: "relax junior... it's just the remote."

clearly.

this is me most days...
halfway between a nap and a tantrum.

if you like those...more here: invisible cats

I hope to give you a post of some substance later in the week. But until then...
love your cats... and each other.

monday is... meowday

I know most people/bloggers/crazies do their cat posting on Saturday (ie: Caturday), but I think that Monday is a way more appropriate day for it. Why? Because on Mondays, my cats are doing exactly what I would like to be doing. See comic:

lazy cat = happy cat

Therefore, Monday is dedicated to them and their infinite laziness.

Thanks to cat versus human, for bringing the lolz, and bringing back the crazy cat lady.

An introduction to human anatomy like never before.

If I answered my door at Halloween, this is what would happen.
However, I just hide inside with the lights off, holding my cats.

Here's to Monday (being over!)