Friday, May 25, 2012

friday confessional.

stolen from facebook... with no idea as to who the original creator is...
sorry about that, blogger-verse.
I have a problem.
That's a lie, I have many problems. Waking up and being nice about it is only one of them. Luckily, I am usually alone when waking up in the morning. B leaves for work at ungodly-hour-o'clock, so he doesn't usually have to be subjected to me grumpy groaning, whining, and overall loathing of my morning ritual.

Here's how it usually goes:
6:45am - Sookie steps on my alarm clock, causing chaos. Loud music, barking dogs, me wishing I was dead.
6:45:30am - I grab said cat and stuff her under the covers, groping for the right buttons to turn off music, but not actual alarm.
6:47am - give up and unplug alarm clock. It's still making noise.
6:47:30am - take batteries out. It shuts up.
6:48am - set alarm on iphone for 7:15am
6:48:30am - pass out.

7:15am - alarm goes off. Hit snooze without opening eyes.
7:20am - Cessie tries to smother me with her enormous, furry body, digging her nails into my flesh. Ignore this as long as possible.
7:24am - alarm goes off. Hit snooze without opening eyes.
7:25am - Cessie sits directly on my face. Turn head. Pass out.
7:30am - Cessie boops my nose gently with front paw, as if to say, "wake up, you lazy sack of litter. there's work to be done." Ignore her.
7:33am - alarm goes off. Hit snooze without opening eyes.
7:35am - shift weight or sigh.
7:35:15am - Conrad reads slight shift or sigh as sign that I'm up. He begins stretching, yawning, and army crawling all over me.
7:36am - Lexi wakes up and starts snuggling and kissing my face. Brief period of quiet snuggling.
7:40am - Wrestlemania 2012 begins. The heavyweight, Lexi gets her neck bitten by the lightweight conference champ, Conrad. Attempt to hide under blankets and pillows while they wrestle.
7:42am - alarm goes off. turn it off. continue watching wrestlemania.
7:47am - Wrestlemania ends when both champs run into Sookie and she hisses and punches them in the face.

8:00am - get out of bed when dogs desire for food outweighs desire to provoke cat into punching them in the face over and over.
8:02am - feed dogs, feed cats, head to bathroom to make sense of hair and face.
8:03am - stare at self in mirror
8:13am - realize there's nothing that can be done, and put hair in pony bun.
8:15am - take dogs outside for their second morning walk (they've already been out at ungodly-hour-o'clock with B.)
8:45am - come back in, think about feeding self.
8:46am - stare into fridge
8:50am - realize I only have 10 minutes to get ready for work.
8:51am - panic.
9:01am - walk out the door in clothes that may match.
9:02am - get to the bottom of the stairs and realize I forgot something vital (phone, wallet, keys or any combination of the three)
9:05am - finally walk out the front door and practically run to the train to get into the city on time.
9:20am - wait on the platform, feeling like everyone is looking at me because my clothes don't match, my hair is insane, and my face looks like a car crash.
9:25am - train comes. think about fighting an old lady for a seat. stand instead.
9:30am - see a seat open up, and throw self into it before anyone else can claim it.
9:31am - revel in having won the seat by avoiding eye contact with anyone that's still standing.
9:35am - read book and ignore panhandlers.
9:56am - get off at appropriate midtown manhattan subway stop. Think about running toward The Lifesuck, but would rather be late than winded.
10:02am - arrive at The Lifesuck. Do not apologize for my lateness unless someone who can fire me is there. Begin workday.

Wash, rinse, repeat Monday-Friday and every other Saturday.

What was the point I was trying to make here? Ah, yes, that I have a problem with mornings. I absolutely envy those of you that are up and chipper and happy to be alive in the mornings. That's just not me. Sometimes, I get to work and I don't really remember how I got there. Or I look at what I'm wearing and think, "I should start laying out clothes the night before. I look insane."

On days that I've showered, done my hair, or actually struck gold with an outfit that matches, I get complimented like I'd gotten a makeover or something, which leads me to believe that on normal days, I actually do look as tragic as I feel on a daily basis.

What gets you morning people motivated to rise and shine like you do? Is there a regime that I can try to make myself more pleasant functional in the mornings? Or am I doomed to mismatched clothes and insane hair until I find a job that lets me get up after 9 am? Your sage advice would be appreciated.


Danette Dillon said...

I'm in the same boat you are. My question for you is how do you make it to work by 10:02am? I'm still having trouble with that. :)

The Dainty Dolls House said...

I'm the same..I remember when waking up in the morning was so easy, now I have to drag myself!! Maybe I'll get better at day!! Precious blog :)) xx

Jackie said...

At least I know I'm not alone ;)

Confession Danette: sometimes it's 10:10... or 10:15 ;)
DDH: Let me know if you make it, and I'll start trying harder ;)


Carey said...

Coffee. Lots of. :)

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