Thursday, January 19, 2012

what's in your mystery basket?

I am not ashamed to admit it, I'm obsessed with Chopped on the Food Network. It's fantastic. When else would one be asked to cook a dish with salsa, starfruit, lima beans, and eel? Or steak, cabbage, peanuts, and rainbow sprinkles! It's simply amazing.

So, it's hosted by Ted Allen...
Remember him from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?
Foodie gay?
Yeah... he's still sassy.
And Ted is constantly sassing the judges about how he doesn't get to taste the food (why doesn't he anyway?), throws out random facts about the ingredients, and basically just bothers the chefs while they're cooking. I think, basically, he's the poor man's Alton Brown.

The judges are always different, but here are a few of our favorites...
Geoffrey Zakarian
Geoffrey Zakarian, also known (in our house) as Ben's nerdy boyfriend, is maybe the smartest, most interesting guy I've ever watched on TV. He's quiet, understated, and awesome. Basically, he's old Alton Brown.

Scott Conant
... yes, I think he might be as arrogant as he looks

Scott Conant, might be an arrogant sonofabitch, but he can also be tender, especially when a contestant (usually a female) is crying. Scott hates raw red onions, I know this because I watch the show. Inevitably, every episode, someone gives him raw red onions, and he makes the rest of their appearance miserable. You'd think that someone would catch on to this eventually, but no... they don't.

Sorry about this picture, Alex...
it was just too good to pass up.

Alex Guarnaschelli... what can I say about you Alexandra? I used to think that she was a major hardass, then I thought that she might just be grumpy, but now, after some time getting to know her, I think that Alex might actually just be uncomfortable on TV. She's getting better though - especially after her time on The Next Iron Chef - she seems more animated and warmer. Maybe she realized that bitchy doesn't read well on TV, or maybe she's just learned how to give criticism... Either way, I love ya Alex! Don't stop rolling your eyes, especially at Scott.

Sometimes at home, Ben and I play Chopped. Not to say that I eliminate him when I cook a better meal with the ingredients, but we play the hypothetical 'what would you do with...' game, and it usually turns out pretty well.

So it is here and now that I petition the Food Network:

PLEEEEASE do a "Chopped: Home cooks" series! Don't give us insane things like dragonfruit, cow eyeballs, or lizard testicles. Give us normal things, and see what we create with them. And then, whoever wins gets their own food network show. Deal? Deal.

Good idea, right?

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